I'm happy to say that my weight loss is still going in the right direction... and I'm still not doing anything more than just being active. Not working out, mind you, just going for a walk or doing a 15-minute walking tape in the living room. The zero calorie soda isn't hurting, either.
I gotta tell you, I hate the taste of diet soda. I even tried the Splenda Coke, but still... blech. However, I tried the Coke Zero, and it was better, but then Beckie got me the Cherry Coke Zero... winner! The cherry flavor hides the "diet taste", and it's formulation (while having the same ingredients as Diet Coke) is just different enough to actually taste good. Thanks, sweetie!
So, yesterdays weigh-in clocked me in at the oh-so-close to the 300's range. I tipped the scales at 401. For those keeping track at home, that is another 6 pounds from last weigh-in, for a total of 10 pounds in two weeks. It's these kind of results that keep me optomistic and positive, and most of all motivated to keep going.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Motivation
It seems that some days, I have an extreme lack of motivation. It is SO hard to want to cook dinner. I'd rather go to McDonald's and grab a double cheeseburger extra-value meal with a fruit punch. It's so much easier and more convenient. Then I have days like today. It was cold and rainy outside, so Bob and I "walked away the pounds" inside. For those who do not know what "walk away the pounds" is I will explain. Leslie Sansone created this idea for those who wish to do a low impact workout in the comfort of their own home. She has created this army of home walkers and disguised an aerobic workout with the ease of simple steps. Simple yet hard to do for me and my husband. Holy crap! My arms are sore, my hips are sore. This sucks. But nobody said it would be easy. And it's not.
I can't say that I actually miss fast food. I really don't. I never liked the way it made me feel after I ate. I can eat the same volume of low-fat decent tasting food and feel great, but if I would have eaten the fat-laden high calorie food, I would feel very weighed down and greasy. Then, my hard to motivate body would be even more difficult to motivate.
Bob and I had a break-through today. We really did. It has been 2 weeks since we began our change. We had our weekly weigh in. Both of us have continued to move in the right direction. We are losing weight! Most if it, however, is water weight, but it's still something. It keeps us on track and we are seeing results. This, after a simple change in eating habits, walking and other simple exercises. Now, getting back to the gym.
What I truly want is an elliptical machine at home. I found one that I love. It's $1700, but I actually like the way it feels. Unfortunately, I cannot afford this. I probably won't be able to afford this for quite some time as I have a LOT of house repairs to make. Anyone out there want to donate to the "Fit Ploof" fund?
I can't say that I actually miss fast food. I really don't. I never liked the way it made me feel after I ate. I can eat the same volume of low-fat decent tasting food and feel great, but if I would have eaten the fat-laden high calorie food, I would feel very weighed down and greasy. Then, my hard to motivate body would be even more difficult to motivate.
Bob and I had a break-through today. We really did. It has been 2 weeks since we began our change. We had our weekly weigh in. Both of us have continued to move in the right direction. We are losing weight! Most if it, however, is water weight, but it's still something. It keeps us on track and we are seeing results. This, after a simple change in eating habits, walking and other simple exercises. Now, getting back to the gym.
What I truly want is an elliptical machine at home. I found one that I love. It's $1700, but I actually like the way it feels. Unfortunately, I cannot afford this. I probably won't be able to afford this for quite some time as I have a LOT of house repairs to make. Anyone out there want to donate to the "Fit Ploof" fund?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
To eat or not to eat..that is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer outrageous weight gain or to take arms against a sea of fattening food, and by dieting, end them!
Today at work, there was 1/2 a cake that was there for someone's birthday. It was white cake, not chocolate cake. On a normal day, I would have LOVED to dive into said cake and have my way with it. Instead, today, I walked over to the file cabinets, upon which it sat, looked lovingly at the cake and walked away. I was impressed by how much will power I actually possessed today. Now, that does not mean that I was not trying to justify how much one small piece of cake with obscenely delectable icing would not "kill" my new eating habits. But I knew different. I knew that one piece would be the end of it. I would just say "screw it" and move on. I was stronger than that. I survived the cake. It did not control me! I can do it!
I was talking with a friend today and told her about my current "weight loss". I can say I'm proud of me for losing weight, but I know that being the beginning, it's just water weight at this point and it will be more difficult from here on. The numbers, although satisfying, are not what's going to help me win. It's the subtle differences I see in every day me. The pants that I have in my closet that no longer fit. The absence of my waistline. The amount of space I take up on a bench seat. Not being able to fit into a seat in Scott Trade center with any amount of comfort.
When I can attain these goals...THEN, that's a victory.
Today at work, there was 1/2 a cake that was there for someone's birthday. It was white cake, not chocolate cake. On a normal day, I would have LOVED to dive into said cake and have my way with it. Instead, today, I walked over to the file cabinets, upon which it sat, looked lovingly at the cake and walked away. I was impressed by how much will power I actually possessed today. Now, that does not mean that I was not trying to justify how much one small piece of cake with obscenely delectable icing would not "kill" my new eating habits. But I knew different. I knew that one piece would be the end of it. I would just say "screw it" and move on. I was stronger than that. I survived the cake. It did not control me! I can do it!
I was talking with a friend today and told her about my current "weight loss". I can say I'm proud of me for losing weight, but I know that being the beginning, it's just water weight at this point and it will be more difficult from here on. The numbers, although satisfying, are not what's going to help me win. It's the subtle differences I see in every day me. The pants that I have in my closet that no longer fit. The absence of my waistline. The amount of space I take up on a bench seat. Not being able to fit into a seat in Scott Trade center with any amount of comfort.
When I can attain these goals...THEN, that's a victory.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Latest weigh-in
Last night was our most recent weigh-in. Down 4 pounds, so now I'm at 407. Getting there, and actually not trying very hard. So far it's just been some walking, simple nightly exercises, and a different eating habit.
Although 4 pounds per week (every week) would be great, just think... 20 weeks would be 80 pounds... but I'm sure it doesn't work that way. I can't wait until we get the treadmill from our friends, because then I can start really working the legs and arms.
Although 4 pounds per week (every week) would be great, just think... 20 weeks would be 80 pounds... but I'm sure it doesn't work that way. I can't wait until we get the treadmill from our friends, because then I can start really working the legs and arms.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
looking in the window
So, today, I was faced with a choice. Walk or don't walk. Bob was busy today in Missouri with a car club he belongs to, and I had my schedule changed to midnights so I stayed at home, trying to get some sleep so I would feel alright during my shift. We had also booked ourselves to play trivia tonight with a group of friends, so I knew I wouldn't get sleep later in the evening. I woke up at 6 am to be with Bob before he left, and went back to bed when I heard the car pull away for the second time (Bob forgot his cooler that I lovingly packed for him). I couldn't fall back asleep so I watched "Moonlight" for a few episodes and then slept until 12:30pm. I tried and tried to sleep some more, but was not tired. I watched TV for a while and then thought...Hmmm...should I just try to sleep some more or get up and move? I figured one day away from walking shouldn't hurt, besides, Bob wasn't home to hold me accountable. I stayed in bed a bit longer, and then feeling like the slug I resemble, I decided to take one of our dogs, Mona, on a walk.
I got up and dressed and then got Mona ready to go. She was super excited so that made me feel a bit better about going. Tucker and Pete stayed home, so it was just Mona and I. I was too lazy to take any hills today, so I just walked the flattest path that I could. I got into "uptown" Collinsville and walked up to an intersection. Now, I'm the type that gets miffed if someone takes too long to walk through the intersection, so Mona and I politely "jogged" our way through the first one. Then, I heard the dreaded noise. Thwap, smack, plop! Nope, I wasn't popping my gum or farting. The noises I heard came from my fat body smacking against other parts. Boobs, stomach, butt. I'm pretty sure at some point my upper leg fat made contact with my ankle. So then I thought, "what's worse. Someone taking their sweet 'ole time through the intersection, or the fatty mcfat fat attempting to run her way through, jiggling and wiggling like Santa Claus on a corrugated roof?" Needless to say, the rest of the time, I tried to walk as fast as I could while leaving all body parts where they started.
On our return trip, we walked past a building with reflective windows. I happened to look over at my reflection, not recognizing who in the hell I was. Now, I've been through this before when Bob took the "starting day" picture of me, (Think Biggest Loser photos) but I'd not really seen myself in action. Honestly, I've actually made fun of people like me in the past. No, not made fun of, but talked to myself about how they should just stay in, rather than have people look at them and talk harshly about them. I'm truly that person now, except, I'm pretty sure I don't give a crap who says what. You know something, I'm out there, I'm moving, I'm trying! Screw you if you feel so bad about yourself that all you can do is point out other's faults. If you can't recognize that some of us are trying, then just go away.
I am a person, be me fat or fit. But I am trying to better myself, so don't fault me for that!
I got up and dressed and then got Mona ready to go. She was super excited so that made me feel a bit better about going. Tucker and Pete stayed home, so it was just Mona and I. I was too lazy to take any hills today, so I just walked the flattest path that I could. I got into "uptown" Collinsville and walked up to an intersection. Now, I'm the type that gets miffed if someone takes too long to walk through the intersection, so Mona and I politely "jogged" our way through the first one. Then, I heard the dreaded noise. Thwap, smack, plop! Nope, I wasn't popping my gum or farting. The noises I heard came from my fat body smacking against other parts. Boobs, stomach, butt. I'm pretty sure at some point my upper leg fat made contact with my ankle. So then I thought, "what's worse. Someone taking their sweet 'ole time through the intersection, or the fatty mcfat fat attempting to run her way through, jiggling and wiggling like Santa Claus on a corrugated roof?" Needless to say, the rest of the time, I tried to walk as fast as I could while leaving all body parts where they started.
On our return trip, we walked past a building with reflective windows. I happened to look over at my reflection, not recognizing who in the hell I was. Now, I've been through this before when Bob took the "starting day" picture of me, (Think Biggest Loser photos) but I'd not really seen myself in action. Honestly, I've actually made fun of people like me in the past. No, not made fun of, but talked to myself about how they should just stay in, rather than have people look at them and talk harshly about them. I'm truly that person now, except, I'm pretty sure I don't give a crap who says what. You know something, I'm out there, I'm moving, I'm trying! Screw you if you feel so bad about yourself that all you can do is point out other's faults. If you can't recognize that some of us are trying, then just go away.
I am a person, be me fat or fit. But I am trying to better myself, so don't fault me for that!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Longer and longer
So, another night, another walk. Somehow they keep getting longer and longer. Not that I have a problem with it, but somehow they are just longer every time. Last night was a 2.08 mile walk, tonight was a 2.3 mile walk. Shooee! There are a few kickin' hills 'round these parts.... okay maybe not so much, but to us they are!
It's looking like I'll be heading out of town in a week and a half, and it appears I'll be flying. Not only will that be an experience, due to me never having flown before, but we'll see how the seat fits. I know for sure it isn't as wide as the Corbeau racing seat that I bought a few years back (measuring 21" wide at the hips).
We'll see how that pans out...
It's looking like I'll be heading out of town in a week and a half, and it appears I'll be flying. Not only will that be an experience, due to me never having flown before, but we'll see how the seat fits. I know for sure it isn't as wide as the Corbeau racing seat that I bought a few years back (measuring 21" wide at the hips).
We'll see how that pans out...
*sigh*
Okay, today was a rather tough day for me. I woke up at my normal time and did the normal routine of packing lunches and getting ready for work. Not so tough. I went to work and we were steady busy, not so tough. I turned towards the door when someone walked through with 2 boxes of Krispy Kreme Donuts. OH MY GOSH. Okay, I handled that one by ignoring them as they were taken into a different room, but then I had to use the restroom. Not thinking, I went to use the one in the break room. The one room that housed the 2 boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts. Shoot. "Don't look at them. Don't make eye contact. Keep moving. In walks Adam, one of the maintenance guys at work and with a whoosh, he opens a box of donuts. DAMN YOU ADAM, I think as I get a waft of the sweet, succulent smell of Krispy Kreme Donuts. DAMN YOU DONUTS. I run into the bathroom and lock the door. They can't get me in here....they can't get me in here..
I finish up in the bathroom, only to realize, that I have to exit said bathroom in the same room as the Krispy Kreme Donuts. Okay, I can handle this...ignore the box, ignore the box, ignore the box. As I walk back through that room and into the radio room, a co-worker of mine asks me what kind of donuts are in the boxes. Are they just the glazed or a variety pack? CRAP! Now I have to handle the boxes. Okay...one, two, three...OPEN THE BOX..hold your breath, don't breathe the scent.........and close the box. Whew...got through that one. I pick up the box with the variety of donuts in them and walk quickly back into the radio room. I hand the box to my co-worker and let go like the box is burning my hands like acid.
I send a message to my husband who quickly replies in his best Darth Vader typing.."The force is strong with this one". HA. Funny Bob. Of course, what he doesn't realize is that going through my head was the scene from The Empire Strikes Back where Luke finds out that Darth Vader is his father....*heavy breathing* I am your father....as Luke replies..NO NO..That's not true..that's impossible....Vader "search your feelings, you know it to be true" Luke..NOOOOOO... as he falls into darkness
only my scene played out with the box of donuts......*heavy breathing*...Beckie I am your donut......Me "no, no, that's not true...that's impossible" Donut " we're so creamy..you know you want to eat us" Me "Nooooooo.....noooooo...as I fall into a giant vat of ice cream...
Then I snap back into reality and think..Good Lord I am hungry.
You know, the more I think about it, the more disgusted I am with myself for allowing myself to get like this. I can't believe how easy it was to do. It's not that I don't care about myself, but I guess I didn't because if I did, I would not have treated myself so horrible. I don't know......this is the hardest thing I have done in my life. But I can't give up.....
The Fat Girl.
I finish up in the bathroom, only to realize, that I have to exit said bathroom in the same room as the Krispy Kreme Donuts. Okay, I can handle this...ignore the box, ignore the box, ignore the box. As I walk back through that room and into the radio room, a co-worker of mine asks me what kind of donuts are in the boxes. Are they just the glazed or a variety pack? CRAP! Now I have to handle the boxes. Okay...one, two, three...OPEN THE BOX..hold your breath, don't breathe the scent.........and close the box. Whew...got through that one. I pick up the box with the variety of donuts in them and walk quickly back into the radio room. I hand the box to my co-worker and let go like the box is burning my hands like acid.
I send a message to my husband who quickly replies in his best Darth Vader typing.."The force is strong with this one". HA. Funny Bob. Of course, what he doesn't realize is that going through my head was the scene from The Empire Strikes Back where Luke finds out that Darth Vader is his father....*heavy breathing* I am your father....as Luke replies..NO NO..That's not true..that's impossible....Vader "search your feelings, you know it to be true" Luke..NOOOOOO... as he falls into darkness
only my scene played out with the box of donuts......*heavy breathing*...Beckie I am your donut......Me "no, no, that's not true...that's impossible" Donut " we're so creamy..you know you want to eat us" Me "Nooooooo.....noooooo...as I fall into a giant vat of ice cream...
Then I snap back into reality and think..Good Lord I am hungry.
You know, the more I think about it, the more disgusted I am with myself for allowing myself to get like this. I can't believe how easy it was to do. It's not that I don't care about myself, but I guess I didn't because if I did, I would not have treated myself so horrible. I don't know......this is the hardest thing I have done in my life. But I can't give up.....
The Fat Girl.
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