CRAAAAAAAAAAAP

How come it is SO easy to fail? I find myself worse off than I was last year. I am fat. I am miserable and I'm spiraling downward into a pit that I fear I cannot climb out of. I just am at a crossroads. I HAVE to get back on the bandwagon. I HAVE to do something to better my health and future or my husband will HAVE to watch me slowly kill myself. I am finding out that right now I am committing suicide by unheathy living. Every day my life is cut shorter and shorter. Can I reverse it? Of course! And I will!

I have decided to visit my blog every day and keep a constant vigil on it. I am also going to keep track of the foods I eat and hold myself accountable (ible?).

I watched a re-run of Oprah yesterday and was shocked by the information. I know I've been told things like that before from my sister, but to see it in all it's glory and have it "dumbed down" to my level of understanding was eye-opening. It was about diabetes. My father, grandmother and uncle are all afflicted and I'm pretty sure I'm close in the running. Not anymore. No more will I feel sorry for myself. It's an excuse. A pretty lame one at that.

Again, wish me luck, pray for me and help me out if I am falling!

Remember Me?

Hello! Remember me? I was the girl that was so gung-ho about losing weight that she decided that she would keep a blog to keep her on track. Well, I jumped the track, but am starting to find my way back onto a different one. I have had a rough go lately. In March, I found out I was pregnant.I can tell you that Bob and I were "super excited"! Then I thought, great, I'm going to be a semi-truck in a few months and I was becoming more apprehensive about being able to carry a healthy pregnancy. Well, my fears were solidified Apr. 22nd, the day of our first ultra-sound. We found out that we had what was called a blighted ovum. Basically, the egg is fertilized and implants itself but for some reason, the fetus doesn't develop. Quite common, I'm finding. SO, I kind of fell into a funk and started eating bad for me things. Crap! I knew better. I KNEW tasting chocolate goodness would start me into a tailspin of unhealthy proportions. Well, I feel like dog pooh. I loathe myself for letting it get this way again. Where I don't feel as though I can do it.

Today, however, Bob brought in and set up the treadmill that was given to us and I actually used it. No, not as a clothes hanger! I used it as it was intended. Okay, so it was only 1/2 of a mile (and barely at that) but it's a start!

Wish me luck!!

Crawling back up on the wagon

I have stumbled and tripped and halfway fallen off the wagon. Time to get back in the saddle and in control.

Surprisingly, I didn't go back up in weight like I thought I would have. As of last night, our weekly weigh-in put me square at 398lbs. Okay, that was the first hurdle, getting under the 4-century mark. Now it's time to work toward some unset goal... how about 325? Once I get there, I'll see what mark to set next... maybe 275? 250? 225? Time will tell...

Crap

Okay, so I didn't do as well as my husband. I actually gained 4 pounds! I guess walking DOES help. I did not really stray TOO bad from my diet, a few treats here and there, but I did not exercise.

I have had a few pieces of news that have rattled me to the core...will divulge later...

Survey says!

Jumped on the scale after a week of non-exercise, travel, and holiday treats. I didn't lose a single pound (no surprise there). I also didn't gain a single pound (surprise there). It'll be good to get back to eating good and doing some physical labor. Let's see if I can make this next week a good one.

Afraid to look...

I'll be the first to admit that I strayed from our plan of healthy eating while on my trip, along with it being Easter. I'm afraid to see what that scale is going to tell me tonight.

I am happy to report, however, that I tried on an older pair of pants that is a size smaller than what I wear now... and they fit!!!! Already seeing changes!!!

It's good to be back.

Got back from my trip for work and will be glad to get back to walking with my sweetie. Even though I was standing and walking around a big manufacturing facility, and went for a walk after dinner, it still wasn't the same as doing a good ol' fashioned trip around the neighborhood.

I tried to eat semi-healthy while I was down there, but I may not have fully succeeded. I'm quite sure this Sunday's weigh-in will reflect it.