looking in the window

So, today, I was faced with a choice. Walk or don't walk. Bob was busy today in Missouri with a car club he belongs to, and I had my schedule changed to midnights so I stayed at home, trying to get some sleep so I would feel alright during my shift. We had also booked ourselves to play trivia tonight with a group of friends, so I knew I wouldn't get sleep later in the evening. I woke up at 6 am to be with Bob before he left, and went back to bed when I heard the car pull away for the second time (Bob forgot his cooler that I lovingly packed for him). I couldn't fall back asleep so I watched "Moonlight" for a few episodes and then slept until 12:30pm. I tried and tried to sleep some more, but was not tired. I watched TV for a while and then thought...Hmmm...should I just try to sleep some more or get up and move? I figured one day away from walking shouldn't hurt, besides, Bob wasn't home to hold me accountable. I stayed in bed a bit longer, and then feeling like the slug I resemble, I decided to take one of our dogs, Mona, on a walk.

I got up and dressed and then got Mona ready to go. She was super excited so that made me feel a bit better about going. Tucker and Pete stayed home, so it was just Mona and I. I was too lazy to take any hills today, so I just walked the flattest path that I could. I got into "uptown" Collinsville and walked up to an intersection. Now, I'm the type that gets miffed if someone takes too long to walk through the intersection, so Mona and I politely "jogged" our way through the first one. Then, I heard the dreaded noise. Thwap, smack, plop! Nope, I wasn't popping my gum or farting. The noises I heard came from my fat body smacking against other parts. Boobs, stomach, butt. I'm pretty sure at some point my upper leg fat made contact with my ankle. So then I thought, "what's worse. Someone taking their sweet 'ole time through the intersection, or the fatty mcfat fat attempting to run her way through, jiggling and wiggling like Santa Claus on a corrugated roof?" Needless to say, the rest of the time, I tried to walk as fast as I could while leaving all body parts where they started.

On our return trip, we walked past a building with reflective windows. I happened to look over at my reflection, not recognizing who in the hell I was. Now, I've been through this before when Bob took the "starting day" picture of me, (Think Biggest Loser photos) but I'd not really seen myself in action. Honestly, I've actually made fun of people like me in the past. No, not made fun of, but talked to myself about how they should just stay in, rather than have people look at them and talk harshly about them. I'm truly that person now, except, I'm pretty sure I don't give a crap who says what. You know something, I'm out there, I'm moving, I'm trying! Screw you if you feel so bad about yourself that all you can do is point out other's faults. If you can't recognize that some of us are trying, then just go away.

I am a person, be me fat or fit. But I am trying to better myself, so don't fault me for that!